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other side of the heavy wooden door.
Take all the time you need.
Kyla jumped at the sound of Tanner s quiet voice. They hadn t said much at all since she d returned
to his apartment to find him ready to go. And now she d been so lost in her thoughts that she d
forgotten his very existence.
Was this a mistake, she wondered, coming here on Christmas morning? If so, when would be the
right time? If she was going to do this, now was as good a time as any.
Because her fingers were shaking too badly to insert the house key in the lock, Tanner gently took it
from her hand, set it in the keyhole, and turned. The sound of the long-unused lock clicking open
seemed louder to Kyla than a rifle shot. He didn t touch the knob, just waited to see what she would
do next.
With a deep, fortifying breath, Kyla opened the door. The entryway was dusty and decorated with
cobwebs, the pictures on the walls barely visible under a film of grime, the floor dull with all the
dust. No one had set foot in the house since a few days after the three tragic deaths, when her parents
attorney had arranged to have the food removed from the house.
He d told her it was to keep the smell away and the rodents out. She hadn t cared about anything at
that time and told him to do what he wanted. But when he d said he would remove the Christmas
decorations, too, she d freaked out, screaming at him to leave them alone.
Later she d apologized, but he was a kind man and had never tried to make her feel guilty about her
behavior. He had offered to have a cleaning service take care of the house, but she hadn t wanted
anyone inside, feeling that it would be an invasion, an insult to her mother. So the attorney had the
lawn taken care of, the outside of the home looked after, but no one came inside.
Kyla s and Tanner s shoes left marks in the dust covering the floor as they walked inside, and dust
motes danced around them in the thick, stale air. She found herself drawn to the family room, where a
brown tree stood tall with some decorations still clinging to its brittle limbs, and some broken on the
floor, the weight of the ornaments just too much over so much time. Finally, sitting beneath the once lit
tree, were many wrapped gifts, all of them covered in dust.
I m so sorry, Kyla, Tanner whispered as he stood behind her, lifting his hand to place on her
shoulder.
This is how I feel inside dead and broken, she said as tears welled up in her eyes.
Those gifts had been picked out with love, some of them for Kyla, some for her brother, and some
for her parents.
With a few steps, she stood in front of the tree and sank down to the dirty floor, her hand reaching
out as she touched one of the once brightly wrapped gifts. Picking it up, she ran her hand over the top
of the package, wiping away the filth that covered its beauty.
This one is for my brother. I got it for him. It s a football jersey for the Washington Huskies. He
would have opened it and laughed, telling me there was no way he d wear a jersey from a rival
school, but he would have worn it when he got homesick. We were close, closer than most siblings.
Yes, we had our fights, but we loved each other immensely. We could kick each other s asses, but if
anyone else messed with either of us, we d jump in and defend the other. I miss him so much, she
said, now not making the least attempt to hide the tears.
I don t know what to say, Kyla. Tanner just sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her.
There s nothing to be said. It s been two years, and yet it feels like yesterday. Why was I the one
who got to live? It s not fair.
This was something she d never said to anyone, not the therapist she d seen for a year, not the
police, not the hospital staff not a single person. Why was she saying it now to a stranger?
Maybe because it was easier to speak with him, someone she knew she wouldn t see again when this
thing between them was over.
It wasn t a matter of if, but of when it would end.
It s Christmas. Why don t you open this? he asked as he grabbed a small package and wiped
away the dust covering the tag, showing her name clearly written in her mother s beautiful
calligraphy.
I can t, she said, though she took the package from his fingers.
She would want you to have it.
How do you know that? What if she just wants to be home, wants to celebrate the next fifty
Christmases with her family, like she s supposed to?
I know she would want you to have it, because if I had a child and I died, I would watch over that
kid from above, smile when they triumphed and cry when they fell. I would want my child to go on,
no matter what happened. That s all any decent parent wants for their kids.
Do you have kids? Kyla asked, turning to look at Tanner, really look at him.
He paused. No, I don t. He decided not to add that he probably never would, either.
Kyla looked down at the package, and she suddenly felt herself undoing the paper. Inside, shining up
at her from a bed of velvet, was a gold heart-shaped locket with a smaller heart carved into its front.
Her fingers shaking, she opened the locket and found, staring back at her, a tiny picture of her
family, one of the photos they d had taken a month before the accident. On the opposite side was an
engraved message: We love you forever and always, Love Mom and Dad.
Kyla smiled and sobbed and laughed at the same time as she closed the locket and struggled to open
the clasp on its chain. Tanner gently eased it from her fingers and placed it around her neck.
How can I go on? she asked, her mouth trembling as her fingers clutched the golden heart, which
rested near her own.
You have to for your parents and your brother s sake. They wouldn t want you to mourn them so
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