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the tent again.
Look, she said to 0rem.
She held the bag in one hand and took the stick and hit it with
amazing violence. You will not hurt the bag. Hit it, she said, and
gave it back to 0rem.
Stupid girl, her mother said again, standing in the sun watching
her. The rumors better not be true.
0rem slapped the stick against the bag that was already clean.
Harder, her mother said.
The bag was heavy and her arm began to hurt, but she slapped the
stick against the material as hard as she could, imagining she was hit-
ting her mother.
The next day they did the laundry, hauling all their clothes to the
Gar de ns of Wat e r 195
wash bins near the bathrooms. Her mother handed her each article of
clothing and made her do the hard work of rubbing them over the
ribbed metal washer.
Two women were hanging clothes on a line and they watched
Nilüfer and 0rem.
See, her mother said. See what you ve caused.
0rem ran one of her father s shirts over the metal washer and stared
back at the women until they looked away.
It doesn t matter if the rumors are true, her mother said. Once
they start they never go away.
She drowned the shirt in the rinse-water bin, wrung the water out,
and dropped it in the dry bucket.
I didn t do anything, 0rem said.
Didn t do anything, pah! It doesn t matter, anyway, her mother
said. Everyone thinks you have.
Nilüfer handed her a blouse. It was her mother s and 0rem ground
this one extra hard against the metal, so hard she stripped skin from
her knuckles.
That s why it s better to stay in the house and say nothing to the
men.
She couldn t make the fabric rip and her arms were getting tired
and there was a whole bucket of clothes left.
But that s wrong, Anne.
It doesn t matter. It s how the world is.
It s wrong.
You re nothing now, her mother said. You understand? Her
mother handed her another shirt. They don t care. You make fun of
all these women. You make fun of me!
I don t, 0rem said. I just want to be happy.
Happy, happy! She took 0rem by the arm. You think you cannot
be happy like me? You think because I cover my hair and take care of
the house that I cannot be happy.
Her mother s eyes bounced back and forth, her teeth bit off the
words. It scared 0rem and she looked away.
196 Al an Dr e w
Look at me, Nilüfer said. Do you think my life is nothing?
0rem wanted to say yes, if for no other reason than to hurt her, but
she couldn t do it.
Nilüfer let go of her arm.
Wash, she said. Wash, wash, wash! She pushed 0rem out of the
way. Like this, she said, taking the shirt out of her hands and press-
ing it to the metal washer. Can t even wash a shirt!
On the third day there was nothing left to clean and that was
worse, because her mother wouldn t let her leave the tent at all. They
sat together all morning in the tent, 0smail coming and going as he
pleased. When he was there, her mother smiled and touched his hair
and played games with him, but when he was gone, she was silent,
morose, and occasionally let into her.
Stupid girl. You think men love loose women? They leave such
women in the streets and come home to the ones that cook their
meals.
Clouds pressed low to the ground and the tent was dark and 0rem
was beginning to think her mother would never stop. She was begin-
ning to think she would never see Dylan again, never see sunlight
again except to hang laundry and buy vegetables.
Such women end up in the whorehouses in Beyo lu, or worse.
Dilek came by the tent and Nilüfer wouldn t let 0rem see her.
She s sleeping, she heard her mother say, and 0rem almost yelled
out to her friend but she knew that would make it worse and she
didn t know if she could handle worse in this tiny space. When her
mother came back in she complained about atheists and 0rem s secu-
lar friends that made her act this way.
After three days her mother s words were sinking in. She was noth-
ing. Her father didn t love her. Her mother hated her now. She was
stained with rumors because of a kiss. But it wasn t a stupid kiss; it was
everything; it was what she wanted most, the only thing that made her
happy. And the walls of the tent were crowding in and her mother
wouldn t shut up and she thought she would explode.
I need to go to the W.C., she said.
Gar de ns of Wat e r 197
And her mother, just as she had for three days, walked with her to
the toilets and stood outside and waited. But this time 0rem didn t
need to go. This time, she pulled the triangle of glass she kept hidden
in her skirt pocket. She pulled her blouse sleeves up so that her wrists
were exposed. She grasped the glass with her right fist and ran it
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