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voice, she still wasn t convinced that wasn t true.
He rose slowly to his feet, uncertain what to tell her. Finally, he settled for the
truth. With a small shake of his head, he ambled over to her, sliding his arms around her
waist and giving her a mind-numbing kiss before he softly admitted, I was just thinking
what a damned fool I was to sign us on this mission. I don t want to lose you.
She smiled tenderly, laying one hand on his cheek. Don t worry about it. I ve
no intentions of doing anything stupid. We already discussed this, Rick. We have to do
this.
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Rick nodded slowly. He might not like it, but he knew she was right.
I love you, he whispered, before claiming her mouth in a hungry kiss. A
moment later, he released her, a smile on his face. I ll be back in a few minutes.
Before she could ask him where he was going, he was gone, heading for the
kitchen, and the coffee machine that, if Tamia was like any other Trooper he d ever
known, would probably already be filled and programmed. He smiled when he saw the
machine just finishing its cycle. Tamia was as predictable in some things as he was.
Rick returned to Tamia s room a few minutes later, two mugs of hot coffee in his
hands. He stood near the bedroom door, watching with admiration as she pulled on a
tight-fitting bodysuit and loose, low-cut shirt. Tying the shirt at her waist, she studied
herself for a moment in the full-length mirror on her closet door, and then turned to him.
"How do I look?"
"Gorgeous," he replied as she came over to him, before handing her one of the
steaming mugs.
She smiled her thanks, and took a sip of the coffee. She looked up at him then,
her eyes wide. "How'd you know how I take my coffee?"
He grinned slyly. "I m full of surprises."
She gave him a look of mock exasperation. You re going to have to do better
than that, sailor.
He grinned lazily at her, giving her slow wink. All right, then. You really think
I haven t been watching you since you first got here? I know a lot about you, Tamia.
Thankfully, she didn t ask how much, merely raising one eyebrow at him before
moving into the living room, where she settled herself on the sofa, one leg curled up
under her, and sipped her coffee. Rick sat next to her, his mind in a jungle far away,
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wondering what fate awaited them beyond the equatorial border. He told himself it
wasn t just putting Tamia in danger that worried him; it was putting his whole team in
danger. That was true, at least. All through the last half of the Divide, he d worried
about his team. He d made a vow to himself that he would never repeat the mistake he d
made in Montreal. It had cost too much. It had even cost him Jean. A fence he couldn t
mend, a bridge he couldn t rebuild, lives he couldn t resurrect; all because he d thought
his super-human ability to avoid death had extended to cover the lives of everyone
around him. He d been a fool, Rick decided grimly as he finished his coffee, and he was
done being one. No more pointless deaths. His hand, he realized as he reached for the
cigarettes in his shirt pocket, was shaking.
Tamia's brow wrinkled in worry as she watched him pull a pack of cigarettes from
his pocket and light one, taking a long drag. She turned her eyes away quickly, hoping he
hadn t seen the worry on her face. She didn't know why, but it bothered her to watch him
smoke. It felt like watching someone commit suicide to her.
Not that she knew why she was being so irrational. Hell, she'd taken worse drugs
when she was younger - she knew how horrible withdrawal was from cocaine, PCP,
heroin, and LSD. She'd never smoked, though. Not even marijuana, when it d been
passed around. Kuron's teaching, probably. He'd always said when one drew smoke into
one's body; one became smoke - blown by the winds around one, with no control.
Cocaine and PCP had been something she could just inhale, without smoking - no smoke,
no problem, right? Heroin - Hell, heroine went right into the bloodstream. She still had a
few tracks, on her left arm. LSD'd seemed harmless enough, too. A little drop. Like
water. No big deal, right? Only, she hadn't been prepared for what it'd done to her head.
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She was lucky she hadn't fried her brain. Still, none of them had required smoking.
She'd always felt uncomfortable around smokers, and it hurt to watch Rick.
"Why do you smoke?" she asked at last, quietly.
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